schubert serenades the alley
from the basement to the seventh floor
she used to live with dr. oomashrawi
till a tummy tuck sued, he fled to singapore

fifth floor rear slams a window, cracks a beer
can’t stand another cat’s meow,
his homely wife’s unimpressed,
“you’re gonna kill my beauty rest
with that f-ing window down!”

in 12-c sheri’s horny as can be
the sopranos mask her moans
after three nights fishing, only catching a cold
she chose to boldly go it alone

she freezes at the bang-bang knock on her door
it’s the pizza man off by a floor
a soft porn set-up, if ever there was
but sheri closes her eyes, carmella wants more

just another day
at 99 liberty lane

the doorman’s a double for ronald reagan
but he votes like gore vidal
professor glenn can’t help but condescend
and teases “bonzo” was the best chimp movie of all

melissa and marvin need to eat both are starving
catch the elevator down from fourteen
pizzaman mutters “hell” joins the pair at number twelve
but then the elevator dies with a scream

bailey evans and her boyfriend, dan
sport headphones and harmonize
after twenty-eight takes of heartbreak
it seems the microphone’s telling lies

elizabeth kneels at her bedside
thumbing through a bible for a passage on fat
the voices above could be angels
though the tenor’s a teensy bit flat

just another day
at 99 liberty lane
it’s always the same
just another day
at 99 liberty lane

rico’s drunk, he shouts in the phone
“it’s been an hour and still no pie”
his father begs and pleads, then falls to his knees
as the jets crash land on the thirty-five

two up, three over, ms. marvetta cheers
it seems the steelers can do no wrong,
while in the bedroom her son shows her twin baby sisters
the purpose of his mother’s bong.

the dog days bit september
monday night sweats like noon
humidity stuck just south of underwater
the sunshine fled from the heat to the moon

a keyboard player hauls her axe up the stairs
cuz the elevator’s stuck up above
she hails from alabama, she’s at home in the heat,
but she’s a stranger to the panic of love
(here’s what she’s thinking of)

louise tries to squeeze her husband’s hand
as the bedroom light falls down
the clock strikes eleven and her daughter cries
but she doesn’t make a sound

last thing she feels is her husband’s smile
the scent of coriander and dreams
what’s there to do once three, now two,
the apartment house explodes in a scream

marvetta cries out at her children
perry slams down the phone
take thirty dies when ‘bama comes knockin’
sheri bites her lip and groans

the elevator wheezes back to life
though the pizza man’s pie’s half gone
the doorman turns off his tv
he suddenly feels alone

just another day
another piper to pay
at 99 liberty lane
it’s always the same

just another day
at 99 liberty lane
you’re welcome to stay
just another day
at 99 liberty lane