i’ve just completed the final edit of my feature-length video, “up, up, and away.” this project has been in the planning stages since 2011, and i’ve been actively working on it for most of the past year. i’m really excited about the results.
the film captures the various emotional states that accompanied a manic episode i suffered back in 1999, after being mistakenly prescribed anti-depressants. read more >
the final sequence is titled “the return,” which closes the loop with the depression that started the cycle. it is at once the same and new: a more complex depression that includes the loss of what had at first looked like an escape earned by years of suffering. like passing seasons, moving forward standing still…
all of the visuals are from lars von trier’s exploration of depression, melancholia.
after many hours strapped to a restraint table, sleep finally comes, and a dream encapsulation of the icarus-like rise and fall that is the manic depressive experience. the visuals come from koyaanasqatsi.
the end of the “restraints” sequence, something like christ’s burial before the ascent to heaven. but in this story, the ascent to heaven only happens in fantasy (the next chapter), and the ultimate awakening at the end of the path is to life in the grave, aka depression.
the scene comes from the opening of sunset boulevard, offering the perfect visual of death and suspension, and the howling indifference of the outside world.